13 Things I’ve Done Instead of Blogging

You may be wondering where I’ve been for the past 2 months. Well, there are literally too many things going on to even begin talking to you about them. That’s why I haven’t been blogging about them. Because I love you, I’m going to give you the blogging-friendly version of the craziness my life has become.

1. I quit Twitter. You know, because you were there. I was pumped about it, ready to get myself back on track. I did great for about 2 weeks. Then, like any true addict, I decided I would just go back and do a little bit. And I would control it like a normal person. And…my brain stopped working.

2. I became the assistant director for a community production of Les Miserables, which is one of my bucket list shows to be in. I took on the role of costumer and seamstress. My daughter is it the show, and so am I – playing Whore #7, Poor Crazy Lady, and Wife of the Old Guy. Show goes up next weekend.

3. My sister is getting married and I am her wedding DJ. Actually, as my mother informed me, I am the “Party Fun-Maker.” My job is to make sure that she has a fun time and all the Mormons dance instead of staring awkwardly at each other. I personally believe this might take a miracle of God (like someone turning all the water into wine).

If you don't get it, I still love you.
If you don’t get it, I still love you.

4. I won a fiction contest I entered for that story that you probably read: “Commando.” It’s the one where Drew Chial did the amazing voice work. If you haven’t noticed, I pulled it from my site so that you completely forget about it until it gets put into the Seven Deadly Sins: Pride anthology later on this year.

5. Me and a couple of Portland-based tweeps started a real-life, meet-in-person-and-talk-with-our-mouths writing group. Crazy, right? Don’t I already have a bunch of stuff I’m doing? Oh, yeah. I do. Still, it is cool to see people in real life. And Matt Nicely Campbell, Caitlyn Spivey and Scholle McFarland are all very cool people who bring some great skills to the table.

6. That Twitter problem? It didn’t go away. I wasn’t able to manage it, and I had to quit for good. Like, FOR GOOD for good. I don’t even know what I did this time to delete my account. All I know is that I set up a password I picked randomly on my keyboard, set up a temporary e-mail to verify my changes and then deleted it immediately afterwards. So that ended well.


7. One of the reasons I have not been blogging is because I’ve been busy writing. YES! I’ve been actively working on several short stories that will not be featured on my blog. Some of them are very good, perhaps the best I’ve ever written. Unfortunately, they have required me to pour a lot of emotional energy into them. Hence, I’ve been feeling a little moody and unbalanced. The ghosts of my past are doing a lot of chain-rattling.

8. I accidentally exploded our fish tank. Who knew plastique was so volatile? Just kidding. I did manage to knock a huge crack in the tank while cleaning it and then didn’t realize what I’d done until I’d put another FULL 10 GALLONS of water in it. So, our carpet smells like the underside of a boat: one that’s been mouldering for decades in a monster-filled lake.

9. I ate 5 pounds of cherries in a single hour. Then, I almost died of farting. That’s a true story, and one that I’d like to keep between you and me.


10. After submitting a number of my short stories to people who could hypothetically pay me for them, I have accumulated a beautiful menagerie of rejection e-mails. My favorite so far?

“Thank you for sending us “Cashmere”. I’ve reviewed the story and decided not to purchase it. It’s well-written but I feel the ending is a bit too upbeat for us (I do realize that’s part of the point of the story).”

11. In an attempt to sonically dissolve my pug’s kidney stones, I administered a very well-researched (Googled it for 10 minutes) and clinically-proctored (plastic bag, dishwashing gloves, and some Astroglide) SonicCare insertion procedure. I stand by that decision, as my pug can pee again. The toothbrush has a large X on it, just in case you ever stay over at my house.

12. I bought a bag of wigs. It’s been keeping me busy.

Screen Shot 2014-07-17 at 8.22.02 AM
Can you guess which one is the real Willow? Psyche! That’s a trick question. THERE IS NO REAL WILLOW.

13. So, some of you know that I teach Relief Society (church for the Mormon ladies, y’all). Every 4th Sunday, I give the Teaching for Our Times lessons, which are more centered on modern-day religious topics. I recently taught a lesson discussing media events involving the LDS church, many of which are very sensitive. Gays and the church, women and the priesthood, excommunications and church attrition – these have all been on my mind a lot. Kyle and I have seen a lot of our friends (and some family) remove themselves from the church over these same topics. It has been a rough time to be a Mormon, but I am confident in the benefits and blessings it has brought into my life.

So, that’s what I’ve been doing when I’m not blogging. What about you? What have you been up to? You could always write me a comment. Anyone who uses the secret word located on Number 8, the third word in (starts with “e”) gets extra credit.

Fly, my pretties! Fly!

You Have Time for Just One More:

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3 responses to “13 Things I’ve Done Instead of Blogging”

  1. I see you’ve maintained your looks while taking your electronic hiatus, Willow, but I want in on those wigs. Terrific to see you’ve won a contest. I would love to get a critiquing thing going with you if you would consider it. I understand if you don’t have the time or have too many critique partners already. ๐Ÿ™‚

    You’ve exploded the myth that you need to be online to have a good time. Ahem. Massive congrats on the story win. I think such successes sometimes give a boost and your writing improves by default.

    Our mutual friend (who shares her initials with the Attorney General) cannot be found online by myself. Given that she still shares the same city with me (as far as I’m aware) I was wondering if you had heard from her and if there’s anything I can do? I sent you a gchat with this question. Let me know how you are too! Best to you and congrats to your sis on her pending nuptials. Rich

    • Thanks for reaching out! Yes, I always love to read and share work. ๐Ÿ™‚

      From what I hear through the grapevine, it looks like Miss Amy may be taking a break from her social media commitments. You may still be able to find her lurking around RewritingMarySue.com where she has been known to contribute. It looks like her home page and StoryBandit.com are both down. I hear through my Twitter lurkings that she may have taken time off to focus on her health, but I believe she is otherwise good. A lovely human. You are too! ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. First of all, let me say that I have written some really great comments, only to have had them annihilated by the Captcha Monster! So, I’m not going to put my heart and soul into this comment like I did about Michelle’s graduation! (lost every word several times)

    Exploding grasshoppers! (does a form of the word count?) All of them are the real you! Of course, I’m partial to the last pic.

    Ah-Ha! Just copy before posting. Then, the Captcha Monster can not eat your words! (Is it just me, or does anyone else have this problem of trying to figure out what the hidden letter or number is behind the one in front of it? Ugh!)

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