That’s Not Hairspray, It’s Vomit

It has been a long time, friends.

I figured I would just check in and let you know that I’m still alive. This last year has been quite an amazing ride.

I had a baby.

A few years ago, I wrote a blog post about what it was like wanting to have children, but not having them. Incredibly, last August, my husband and I became pregnant with our second child. This daughter is now three months old, and I am relearning what it’s like to have a tiny human who I have to keep alive.

Here’s what I forgot about having a baby:

  1. Being pregnant is cool, but not as cool as having a tiny human.
  2. Having a tiny human is cool, but not as cool as having a 9-year-old.
  3. Baby vomit is not as good for your hair and skin as you’d like to imagine.

Other things that have happened this year:

I quit teaching for good. Not that I don’t love to teach, or I don’t love my students. They’re all awesome. But I really wanted to hone in on my own family for a while, especially with this literal monkey on my back.

Look at how serene she is. Total bullcrap. What you can’t see is how many swear words she’s invented while getting that baby to latch on properly. . .

I’m working from home. This time as a project manager for a digital marketing company. The good thing about this is that I have flexibility to take care of the small people in my life when they need me. The bad thing is that I’ve gotten all “responsible.” I haven’t done anything stupid or dangerous for almost a year. Bungee jumping, anyone?

We moved to the Salt Lake City area. And the Mormons are alright. Amazingly, I really like it here. My church family is supercool – nobody rude or mean – and only one woman who gasped when I used the word “sucks” in sacrament meeting. I love the city, and I can’t wait for Comic Con to be here so that I can sadly not buy tickets because I don’t have any money.

My mother lived with us. It was only for half of last year, so no lasting damage was incurred on anyone. Well, it may have emotionally scarred her to see how long I can actually go without doing laundry, but she’s nice enough not to have mentioned it.

My 9-year-old daughter sang and danced in front of her entire school and it was AMAZING. She picked out her own song, nailed her audition, and I helped her with an incredible (if I do say so myself) costume. She got to see how it felt to be just a little bit famous, and I got to see how it feels to be the mother of a diva. Can’t say I didn’t love it.

I went to a few writing retreats and conferences, and OH YEAH I FINISHED MY SECOND BOOK. My second book, “Solace,” is now in the “fallowing” stage of the writing process. In the next month or so, I will pick it back up and edit the crap out of it. Hopefully, you’ll have a book you can buy from me by Mother’s Day 2018.

Subtlety. It’s an art that I’ve clearly mastered.

I started writing a musical with my family and a very brilliant colleague of mine. This is very exciting news. Although it was a project I started in 2014, this year is the year it will actually be finished. All the most intelligent, musical-savvy people I know are helping me with this, and I’m hoping that it will be picked up by a production company here in Utah to be presented for the 2018-2019 season. How cool will that be??

My friend went into treatment. This year, I saw a good friend of mine turn away from alcohol for good. It was ruining her life, and she decided that she was tired of being a side character in her own story. It sucks when alcohol takes center stage. So, I learned a lot about alcoholism, treatment, and how to be a good friend to someone who is facing hard decisions.

And the future?

Well, I’m 38. I figure I have a good 6 months left, if I’m really smart about getting my black bile humors drained at least once a week.

“Thy insurance doth not cover leeches. Get thee to a different nunnery!”

Actually, I have a lot that I’m excited about and even more to be thankful for. I have a great husband, a wonderful writing group, a fantastic family, and tons of amazing people who bought me tiny baby clothes to last a lifetime. My goal is to do these things:

  1. Keep writing.
  2. Keep reading.
  3. Keep praying.
  4. Keep singing.
  5. Be the best mom/wife/sister/friend/daughter/manager that I can be, day-by-day, without expecting perfection.
  6. Wash the vomit out of my hair.

I’ll keep you posted on how all that goes.


You Have Time for Just One More:

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